Unsure
by emzypemzy
Summary: This is set after the season 4 opener and deals with my take on what could have happened if Morgan wasn’t sure whether or not to take the job. Who would he go to for advice? ; Couldn't think of a decent title :S


_This is set after the season 4 opener and deals with my take on what could have happened if Morgan wasn't sure whether or not to take the job. Who would he go to for advice?_

_Disclaimer: I don't own CM *sob*_

After Hotch's reasoning behind not recommending him for the New York post Morgan was silently brooding, he'd _had _to do what he did. If he hadn't they would all have been blown up, didn't that count for anything? If he hadn't done it, who would have? Nobody. They wouldn't have had the chance. His stubborn streak was telling him to take the job and show his boss that he was wrong, that he could do it, that his so called 'hero complex' would not stop him, that he could do it.

He was annoyed at himself for putting Garcia in that position but who else would have been able to help him, all the while calming him with just the timbers of her voice? Nobody. It was her that had kept him so calm, kept him focused. He hadn't wanted to upset her, to scare her. It was the only way he could do it though, she had helped him once again, saving his ass one more time. He just hoped she wasn't too angry. Hoped that she didn't have the same views of him as Hotch did, he wasn't playing the hero, he'd had to do it to save his friends, his _family._ He couldn't have stood by while they were all hurt. It didn't matter what happened to him, he had to save them. Some would call it a hero complex, but to him it was doing what was needed to be done to save his friends from the fate his father had faced. It was a bit selfish too, _he _couldn't loose _them_.

In order to take the job though, he'd have to leave his friends, his family that he'd just risked all to save and he didn't think he could do that. He needed to talk it out, see what they thought about it. If he was honest there was one person he wanted to talk to most, to see just what his best friend had to say. Did she agree with their fearsome leader? Did she hate his need to save his friends, their friends? Did she think he could do the job? Did she believe in him?

His brooding intensity was felt when he walked into the bull pen on the first day back after the case, everyone saw it, everyone _felt_ it. He was on a mission, he was determined and they worried that it would not lead to good news. Had he taken Hotch's refusal to recommend him as a personal slight? As a dig against his capabilities? In a sense it was, but some of them felt that Hotch did it because he didn't want to loose Morgan from his team, well they hoped that was it. If it wasn't they weren't sure just how Morgan would react.

Morgan felt their eyes all on him as he sat down and got to work, no greetings exchanged, no smile graced his face. They knew he was brooding, but they knew not to ask what was wrong. They knew who could though, and when they saw her enter the bull pen they watched with unrestrained fascination as Morgan's demeanour changed, his frown dissolved, a smile tugged at the corners of his lips and his shoulders seemed to relax, just her presence ridding him of some of the built up tension.

They couldn't hear the conversation, but when Garcia sat on the edge of his desk they heard him laugh at something she said, most likely one of her classic innuendos, and watched him lean back in his chair, looking up at her as she continued to speak. She said something that caused his expression to become serious and they watched the worry encase her features as he said just four words that they could distinguish from their vantage point: "We need to talk."

Garcia's heart almost stopped at those words, they were like ice encasing her heart. Those were the most dreaded words for a couple, but her and Morgan weren't together and yet here she was being frozen by those words. Those words meant it was serious, those words meant that something bad was going to happen, they always did. She smiled tightly and replied in a lot more cheery voice than she felt: "Sure thing handsome."

She was sure it sounded strained but when she saw the relief flood his eyes she smiled genuinely, maybe he just needed someone to talk to. Maybe this wouldn't be bad news after all. She really hoped it wasn't.

From their vantage point in JJ's office, JJ, Reid and Emily watched as Garcia led Morgan out of the bull pen, all wondering what was going on and just what events were about to unfold.

The first thing he did when they got into her office was apologise, his voice sincere and his eyes pleading her to accept. She brushed it off with a smile and a 'it comes with the job Hot Stuff'. He didn't buy it, he knew she was upset, maybe even angry.

"No, it doesn't, and it shouldn't. I really am sorry Baby Girl." He said, his voice usually so strong sounding slightly shaky. "I know it was unfair of me, but you are the only one who could help me, you really are my god given solace sweetness, be angry at me if you are, tell me, yell at me. Anything, as long as you're there."

"Handsome, I could never not talk to you for long, yeah you scared me half to death but you're here, alive and well, that's all the matters. Plus, you saved my favourite team of profilers." She said with a smile, pulling to her in a hug.

"I wish he saw it that way." He mumbled softly, thinking she wouldn't hear. But she did. His soft whisperings had reached her ear as his head bent into the crook of her neck.

She pulled back, her hands still on his shoulders. "Who, sugar? What's the matter?" she questioned upon hearing his words.

He exhaled noisily, rubbing a calloused hand over his head and collapsing into one of her chairs, her hands falling from his shoulders. "Hotch." he muttered, his eyes cast to the floor.

She didn't say anything, just waited for him to continue, to expand upon that one word. Her patience was rewarded when he looked up at her and their eyes met. "They offered me a job, Kate's job." He said and she felt her heart shatter but she refused to let it show. "Hotch didn't recommend me, told me it's because I don't trust anyone enough to be able to work well as a team leader, that what I did in that ambulance was careless and reckless and the actions of a man who couldn't trust and who had a hero complex. Part of it's probably true, but I _had_ to do it. I couldn't let any of them die, I couldn't do nothing when I knew what I could do, when I knew that if I did nothing I would essentially be killing them, killing the closest people to me besides my family." He tried so hard to explain his thought process to her, to allow her to understand.

"Derek, you saved them, it's all fine now. Do you want the job? That's the only real worthwhile question." She said in reply, her voice not betraying her inner turmoil. She was silently begging the next word out of his mouth to be 'no'. What was she supposed to say if he said 'yes' how could she let him go? He was her best friend, and she…she loved him.

"I don't know." He answered honestly. "Part of me wants to go for it, show them all that I can do this, that I am not some dumb agent with a hero complex-"

"Nobody thinks that Morg-"

"Sure they do. It makes sense really, it fits. If you don't know me that is." He paused for a second and she wasn't sure what to say, but he continued, saving her from the decision. "But another part of me doesn't know if I could leave here." He said almost whispering, looking up at her from under his dark lashes.

"If you want the opportunity you have to take it." She said, hoping her voice wouldn't crack, she really couldn't believe she was saying that but she knew she couldn't be the one to hinder his job progress, not if she loved him as much as she now knew. But that still didn't stop the nagging 'hacker' voice in her head telling her to get on to the computer as fast as she could and stop him from getting the job.

"You really think so Baby Girl?" He asked, his voice not betraying the fact that his heart had sped up: she was happy to let him go, quite content for him to leave them all, leave her.

"I do." She said with a conviction she never really felt.

He nodded sharply in reply and left suddenly, the chair spinning in his wake. She wasted no time; a few clicks and some furious typing and there was no way he was getting that job…it didn't need filled any more. The banging of the door against the wall startled her and she turned, jumping like a little girl caught with her hand in the cookie jar to see Morgan in the doorway, his eyes showing his determination as he strode across her small office towards her. He did something she had never expected or anticipated - he kissed her. Not a friendly peck on the cheek, far from it. It was a searing kiss full of passion which slowed to a more sensual kiss of small nips as they tasted each other.

He pulled away slightly, resting his forehead against hers. His breathing shallow he spoke softly: "Do you really want me to go Baby Girl?"

In reply she smiled, a full glowing smile as she shook her head 'no' before placing her lips back over his, sealing them together once more.

After several minutes of pleasurable nips and soft kisses they pulled apart, foreheads touching once more he said: "I'm not going anywhere then."

"You couldn't if you wanted to." She said, an embarrassed flush creeping on to her cheeks. He looked at her questioningly. "It only takes a few clicks to make a job disappear."

He laughed, a full bellied Derek Morgan laugh, as her words registered and she smiled at his obvious delight.

"Oh, I love you Pen." He said after his laughter subsided and she froze. Did he just say those words?

He was having the same thought and he scrambled to save the situation. "Sorry, sorry, erm…you know what I mean. I didn't-" She placed a red lacquered nail over his lips silencing him.

"Don't say words you'll regret Agent Morgan." she said with a wink and he looked at her in surprise. "I love you too." She replied, her voice soft and gentle, almost as if she was telling him the biggest secret, and in actuality she was. She'd kept that to herself for too long. She smiled happily as the words left her lips and a weight was lifted from her shoulders.

He pulled her to him, enveloping her in a classic bear hug, his lips at her ear he whispered: "Baby Girl, how about a drink later?"

She laughed softly. "Wouldn't miss it for the world Hot Stuff."

_What'd you think?_


End file.
